SCENE: My teenage daughter and me in the car.

Lauren: Dad, do you know what the most commonly used letter in a girl’s name is?

Me: Hmm, is it a consonant or a vowel? (Silence.) Please tell me you know what consonants and vowels are.

Lauren: You’re no fun, Dad. Forget it.

Me: What is a vowel?

Lauren: OK, OK. A vowel is … ahh … eh … well, oh … uh …

Me: Close enough.

—by Robert Alvarez, author of Blonde Moments: Life with a Blonde Teenage Daughter

A man and his wife were travelling down the highway when they saw the lights of a patrol car behind them.

When they pulled over, the patrol man came up to the window and said,

"I am going to give you two tickets. One because you were speeding and one because you didn't have your seat belt fastened."